Porn is love you can see.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
