i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
