HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
