That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
