I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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