There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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