I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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