someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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