I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize