Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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