i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.