The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
