So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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