the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
