new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
