So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
