I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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