Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
