You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize