i need an iv and a liver transplant
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
