Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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