Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
