just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
