How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
