I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
