that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
