too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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