Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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