somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
