Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
