Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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