Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
