I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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