I just made out with a guy for $7.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
