his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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