Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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