im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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