If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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