Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
