I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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