After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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