how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
