Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
