How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
