just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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