Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
