he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
