haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
