My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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