her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
