Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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