She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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