ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
