It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
