that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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