I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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