Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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