I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
