If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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