I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
